Life throws you some curve balls.

It seems an age since I wrote anything on here, a lot has happened in our family, good and bad but that is life.

December 2015 we had our final Christmas with my mum, we knew that she was living on borrowed time, her diagnosis of leukaemia came in August and she fought it so that she could see one last one with her cherished family , what a happy,  sad time it was, all the while enjoying the time but realising that she was not going to be here for the next one. She slowly went down hill in the new year and come March it was evident that she would not be able to stay in her house for any longer, to say that she was disappointed to go into hospital was an understatement, she was devastated and so was I, I felt that I was letting her down but she was unable to move,  and the hospice nurses were struggling to get her pain under control, (unfortunately she was allergic to morphine,)  in the last few weeks if I could have given her something to help her die then I would have but my hands were tied. I called in my brothers in the second week of April time to come and say goodbye, also my husband and I had a holiday booked and needed someone else to be there instead of me, I kept saying to mum that we would cancel our holiday and stay with her but she was adamant that we needed to go away and relax, well go away we would but relax no, the day before we were due to go away mum suffered a massive fit that was traumatic to watch,  I stood with my husband holding her hand whilst doctors and nurses rushed around to find some medication to help her, when we left she had no speech at all, I was devastated I would no longer be able to hear my mums voice, she also looked so stricken. The following morning we were going away so I went to the hospital to see her, all I got out of her was a shaking of one arm to shoo me away and mumbling that sounded like go, I left there in tears after giving her a last kiss and hug, I saw the doctor who said the end was very near, 24 to 48 hours at the most.

We drove to Cornwall, expecting a phone call any time, nothing happened that day, the following day we went for a walk to one of our favourite beaches, it was while I was alone walking on Marazion beach that my phone started to ring, it was my elder brother to tell me mum had gone, was I sad? Yes but also happy that she was not in any more pain.

What I should add at this time is that a week prior to her dying our eldest daughter had told us that she was expecting another baby, the delight of their news was overshadowed by mums ordeal but it was something to look forward to.

I grieved for my mum of course I did but I had done most of it before she had died, I had the privilege of being with her almost non stop since my dad had died in March  2014, I had been sleeping with her since September 2015 just in case anything should happen during the night, we laughed,  we cried, we reminisced and we celebrated special occasions together, I was so very lucky to have a mum who was one in a million, our relationship was special, she was my best friend, there is not a day that goes by when I don’t think of her, I miss her terribly but not as much as I thought I would.

Skip forward to December 2nd 2016 when I got a frantic phone call asking me how quickly could I get to Bristol? My reply about 2 hours why, well Holly is in labour and the neighbours are out so we have nobody to look after J! OK,  I’m on my way I say grabbing my bag and car keys, by the time I got there the baby had made an appearance, the excitement was more than I could contain, I slept fitfully that night,  because of excitement plus I was sharing the bed with my  3 year old grandson, that’s like sleeping with an octopus! The following day waiting to meet grandson number two was thrilling.

Life since then has been one big roller coaster ride, more of which I will tell you on another day.

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Four generations

Four generations

Glad that we were able to celebrate this day.

It’s been a long while since I came on here last, a lot has happened in that time, the biggest and best thing was the birth of our grandson, born on 13th November 2013, unlucky for some, but not us, we were so glad to be able to celebrate his birth with all of the family including my mum who has found reserves from somewhere to keep going through her battle with cancer, to be able to pass Jasper to her was something that I will hold close forever, it was like time had gone in reverse, because it felt like the time I handed her her first grandchild. Then of course we had christmas which was wondeful, we had the priveledge of having our daughter, her partner and new baby to stay for the holidays, it is such a special thing to be able to share this time, it made the fact that our youngest daughter was absent so much easier, having your children fly the nest is so hard especially at holiday times like christmas.

Confused

So sorry for not posting anything on here for a while but have had a difficult few weeks, at the end of July we broke up from school for the summer holidays,the weather was beautiful, I had lots of days out and catching up with friends to look forward to. Two days later the devastating news came, my mum was diagnosed as having terminal cancer, myeloma of the pericardium to be exact, to say that it was a blow was an understatement, after undergoing 15 months of hell, with an abdominal wound the size of my fist after bowel surgery went wrong, we were looking towards the exciting future, a grandchild for me and my husband, and great-grandchild for my parents. We are still anticipating that mum will be here to see the new arrival, but it is all tinged with sadness, sadness because the outlook is that she will not get to see the baby grow into a little person with character, I hope that he/she had some of the get up and go that mum has,the resilience and strength that has seen her overcome so many setbacks during her life. Mum was born in 1943 to an unmarried teenage mum, who didn’t have the strength to stand up and be counted as an individual, so mum was raised by her Grandparents, and lived with her aunts and uncle, the eldest of which was 17 and the youngest 6 months old, my mum was called names and basically not treated very nice but became a wonderful person who is my loving and caring mum.

Home alone

When my children were younger my husband and I would constantly tell them stories, silly stories, funny stories, any stories, but one that we used to tell them a lot, was brought about by them watching Bedknobs and Broomsticks, after the film finished they were curious as to whether beds actually could fly, and both my husband and I told them that most nights we would twist the knob on our bed and fly straight out of the window, where we proceeded to have adventure after adventure, this continued for some while until our eldest daughter accused us of leaving them home alone, yes you guessed it she had watched that film and had cottoned onto the fact that they were alone when mummy and daddy flew out of the window, she was only about 6 so I can only presume that she really truely believed that every night we flew away! Oh there were lots of times that I wish I could have done, especially as they were all light sleepers who only needed a few hours where as I could sleep for about 10 and it still wouldn’t be enough, needless to say we had to tell her it wasn’t true, then she accused us of lying, whatever we couldn’t win.

Cherished memories

Cherished memories

This morning I waved goodbye to my eldest daughter, she lives about an hour away from me but it might as well be the moon, she works, I work so time is limited, when I have holidays she is working and vice versa, so it was lovely to have her home for a couple of days, when I returned home there on the back of the sofa were all of my childrens cherished teddies, some more worn than others, all were most certainly loved, each little one comes with it’s own memories, when they were given, times that I had to hunt for them, or quickly wash them, and it makes me sad that the children are all grown up so no longer need them, but on further inspection two are missing, the photo was taken at christmas when everyone was home, today pound puppy has obviously gone with his mummy, and Chelsea bunny has gone with her mummy and I hadn’t noticed. It feels only right that they should have them, but each time I look at this picture I remember the people who are no longer with us and i’m thankful for the time we had.