Today 9 years ago I lost a very dear friend, she was taken suddenly, tragically, leaving behind a grieving husband, son and daughter, I’m lucky to have them in my life, they enrich it, her children are like my children, they are of a similar age as my own, when I am struggling with life, need to think or just switch off I go to the sea, here’s a little poem I wrote tonight while I’m struggling to sleep, I think it sums up what living by the sea does for me.
The wind whistles across the sand
taking me by the hand
calling those that can hear
“come closer, come near, for I have the power to take you away, just for a moment out of your day”
I sit, I listen, I close my eyes, all I can hear are the seagulls cries
wait, no, there’s a rhythmic sound, my heart beating into the ground
the pulse of the waves singing it’s song
even if it’s not for long
I’m healed, fixed, rejuvenated, whole again
this is the pull of the moon on the sea
the pull of the moon on me
Glad that we were able to celebrate this day.
It’s been a long while since I came on here last, a lot has happened in that time, the biggest and best thing was the birth of our grandson, born on 13th November 2013, unlucky for some, but not us, we were so glad to be able to celebrate his birth with all of the family including my mum who has found reserves from somewhere to keep going through her battle with cancer, to be able to pass Jasper to her was something that I will hold close forever, it was like time had gone in reverse, because it felt like the time I handed her her first grandchild. Then of course we had christmas which was wondeful, we had the priveledge of having our daughter, her partner and new baby to stay for the holidays, it is such a special thing to be able to share this time, it made the fact that our youngest daughter was absent so much easier, having your children fly the nest is so hard especially at holiday times like christmas.
Do we create our destiny or follow our own fate, the paths we tread lead us in lots of different directions, but are we destined to go in the direction all mapped out for us, or go that way because thats the way we wanted to go? I ask this question at this time because my mum has been dealt a cruel blow, she had cancer of the small bowel that was removed, this has left her with a gaping wound that will not heal,the main cause was a thing called plasma cytosis, a former of blood cancer, it seems a very slippery slope that she is now on, one that makes her slip further away from doing any daily routines, just getting up to go to the toilet leaves her exhausted, she should be looking forward to her retirement years and the expected arrival of a great grandchild, but cannot, for fear of what is to come, I know for sure that she would not have chosen this route, but I still cannot see that it is her destiny!
After finding out that our eldest daughter is having a baby, I have looked at things I can make for it, yesterday via the web I found a baby wrap, it looked simple enough and came with a PDF pattern to download, putting it together was like a jigsaw it came on 8 separate pieces of A4 paper with no numbers to link, just the briefest of written links on 2 of the pieces. Well today I made it, it took me about 3 hours, most of that taken up by a sewing machine that did not want to feed the material through, to say that I am pleased with the result is an understatement, it looks fab even if I do say so myself, I even added a handmade label, that has a link to my name. My nan used to make all my dresses when I was small, I thought that it was too difficult and declined to pursue it when at school, what a mistake I made.
Have had the pleasure of announcing to friends and family that my husband and I are to become grandparents, Hubby says “that he is not old enough!” “Pah” I say, old enough in my eyes, and a good one he will be too. It’s so exciting, I have had a real task in keeping it quiet for weeks now and it been excruciating, it only seems like yesterday that we brought her home from the hospital, with all the neighbours in the street waiting to welcome her, roll on the next 5 + months.
This time 24 years ago I was a new mum, and my husband was, I am sure, in a state of shock, you get handed a writhing, crying bundle, that you look at and think how do I know what this thing is going to need 24 hours a day for the next however many years? All I can say is that it couldn’t have been that bad because we did venture to have more, and our daughter is a well balanced, caring individual, who we are proud of!