Today 9 years ago I lost a very dear friend, she was taken suddenly, tragically, leaving behind a grieving husband, son and daughter, I’m lucky to have them in my life, they enrich it, her children are like my children, they are of a similar age as my own, when I am struggling with life, need to think or just switch off I go to the sea, here’s a little poem I wrote tonight while I’m struggling to sleep, I think it sums up what living by the sea does for me.
The wind whistles across the sand
taking me by the hand
calling those that can hear
“come closer, come near, for I have the power to take you away, just for a moment out of your day”
I sit, I listen, I close my eyes, all I can hear are the seagulls cries
wait, no, there’s a rhythmic sound, my heart beating into the ground
the pulse of the waves singing it’s song
even if it’s not for long
I’m healed, fixed, rejuvenated, whole again
this is the pull of the moon on the sea
the pull of the moon on me
Glad that we were able to celebrate this day.
It’s been a long while since I came on here last, a lot has happened in that time, the biggest and best thing was the birth of our grandson, born on 13th November 2013, unlucky for some, but not us, we were so glad to be able to celebrate his birth with all of the family including my mum who has found reserves from somewhere to keep going through her battle with cancer, to be able to pass Jasper to her was something that I will hold close forever, it was like time had gone in reverse, because it felt like the time I handed her her first grandchild. Then of course we had christmas which was wondeful, we had the priveledge of having our daughter, her partner and new baby to stay for the holidays, it is such a special thing to be able to share this time, it made the fact that our youngest daughter was absent so much easier, having your children fly the nest is so hard especially at holiday times like christmas.
So sorry for not posting anything on here for a while but have had a difficult few weeks, at the end of July we broke up from school for the summer holidays,the weather was beautiful, I had lots of days out and catching up with friends to look forward to. Two days later the devastating news came, my mum was diagnosed as having terminal cancer, myeloma of the pericardium to be exact, to say that it was a blow was an understatement, after undergoing 15 months of hell, with an abdominal wound the size of my fist after bowel surgery went wrong, we were looking towards the exciting future, a grandchild for me and my husband, and great-grandchild for my parents. We are still anticipating that mum will be here to see the new arrival, but it is all tinged with sadness, sadness because the outlook is that she will not get to see the baby grow into a little person with character, I hope that he/she had some of the get up and go that mum has,the resilience and strength that has seen her overcome so many setbacks during her life. Mum was born in 1943 to an unmarried teenage mum, who didn’t have the strength to stand up and be counted as an individual, so mum was raised by her Grandparents, and lived with her aunts and uncle, the eldest of which was 17 and the youngest 6 months old, my mum was called names and basically not treated very nice but became a wonderful person who is my loving and caring mum.
Do we create our destiny or follow our own fate, the paths we tread lead us in lots of different directions, but are we destined to go in the direction all mapped out for us, or go that way because thats the way we wanted to go? I ask this question at this time because my mum has been dealt a cruel blow, she had cancer of the small bowel that was removed, this has left her with a gaping wound that will not heal,the main cause was a thing called plasma cytosis, a former of blood cancer, it seems a very slippery slope that she is now on, one that makes her slip further away from doing any daily routines, just getting up to go to the toilet leaves her exhausted, she should be looking forward to her retirement years and the expected arrival of a great grandchild, but cannot, for fear of what is to come, I know for sure that she would not have chosen this route, but I still cannot see that it is her destiny!
I love my job and all the fun and stress that comes with it, but last week I was able to take a well-earned break from the hustle and bustle of school life, I had earned TOIL, or time off in lieu, so I took 4 days, that enabled my husband and I to escape to Cornwall for a whole week on our own with no children in tow, not that ours are small anymore, the youngest will be 20 in a few weeks time. We had a glorious week, and managed to walk around the coastline for miles in both directions from Penzance, stopping when we wanted to and eating when hungry, the only stipulation I made was that we had to take a class teddy away with us, to prove to the children where we had been,also to be able to get the children to do some reading a writing when I made the pictures into a book, my husband was very obliging (he has done it before,) well the best one was when we went to Praa Sands, the lifeboat was on the beach all ready and waiting in case of a call out, Ian strode across the sand en route to the lifeguards just to ask if we could take some Pictures of Milkyway and Soggy on the lifeboat, now that’s what you call love and dedication, I am sure the lifeguards were not thinking that, but they agreed and one of the pictures is above.
We both had a brilliant week and feel refreshed, I have even come home with a healthy glow.